


And Float Away

by RedEmerald



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 20:48:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14528871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedEmerald/pseuds/RedEmerald
Summary: Ronan Lynch joined the Henrietta little soccer league when he was six. Adam Parrish did the same when he was eight. They quickly become best friends. They would have sealed their friendship in blood if the coach hadn’t stopped them.It doesn't take very long for Aurora Lynch to notice that Adam wasn't safe in his family and that something had to be done.Or, Adam Parrish lives a very different childhood from what he was supposed to and somehow not a lot changes. Somehow everything changes.





	And Float Away

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AlxSteele](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlxSteele/gifts).



> This is a birthday present for AlxSteele, who's my friend, my hero and my muse.
> 
> The title is a line from "I'll Be Yours" by Placebo.

Ronan Lynch joined the Henrietta little soccer league when he was six. His brother Declan was obsessed with the sport and Ronan was obsessed with Declan and planned on never doing anything but follow him around for the rest of his life. The Lynch brothers were brash and full of energy and started a fight on their very first day, when they insisted on calling soccer “football”, in a strong Irish accent that mimicked their father's when he watched matches on TV. 

 

***

 

Adam Parrish joined the Henrietta little soccer league when he was eight. His parents had complained that they needed some adult time without him, and the yearly fees were much cheaper than paying a babysitter, much safer for their belongings than leaving him alone in their trailer, and better for their reputation than kicking him outside. His mother would drive him to practice every Wednesday afternoon and Saturday morning. Sometimes, she even remembered to pick him up a few hours later.

 

***

 

Ronan Lynch and Adam Parrish’s friendship started with the booms of fireworks and the headbutts of strong egos. They exchanged punches and screams for about two months, as any subject they ever talked about led to another disagreement, from which snacks were the best to who was the strongest Power Ranger.

In the end, they were left with no other choice but to face the truth: they had the same interests and passions. They decided to become best friends right then and there. They would have sealed their friendship in blood if the coach hadn't stopped them.

 

***

 

Niall Lynch was not a good father. He gladly recognised it himself: he was often absent, constantly distracted, and practiced a blatant favoritism between his children. However, Niall was both aware, proud even, of his flaws, and an amazing dreamer. His pride and his dreams gave birth to a woman and, being a dreamer, he fell in love with her.

 

Aurora Lynch named herself alone, after the first and most magnificent thing that her eyes got to see. She was the mirror opposite of her dreamer, warm when he was cold, smiling when he frowned, observant when he looked away. Aurora was a great mother. She loved Niall because she knew him from the inside out and accepted him. But she adored her sons because they kept surprising her.

 

***

 

Aurora was the first one to realise that Adam was not like the other children. He was bright and bubbly around his peers and his coach, but shut down the second he caught a glimpse of any parent. No matter how attentive and gentle she could be with him, he was always tense and anxious, and it broke Aurora’s heart.

“We have to do something, Ni’,” she told her husband one night.

They had put the children to bed and were sitting in the living room. Aurora had been the one who went to fetch Ronan and Declan at soccer practice that day. Like she had done for almost two years now, she had waited for Adams’ mother to come and get him. She had let Adam and Ronan play on the sidewalk while she was sat in the car with Declan, who enjoyed those moments where he had one of his parents’ undivided attention. Matthew had been sleeping in his car seat, undisturbed by his oldest brother's report of the practice.  Aurora always waited a full hour for Adams’ mom before she ended her conversation with Declan by telling him to choose at cassette to listen to on the way back to the Barns. She would then tell Adam that his mom was probably busy and that she would drive him back home. Adam would protest weakly, say that he could walk, torn between his desire to be as little a bother as possible and his lack of desire to fight with an adult. That day had been no exception, until she had put her hand on his shoulder to help him hop in the car and he had flinched, both in fear and in pain. Aurora, sweet and empathetic as she was, had almost started crying at that.

Niall sighed and slumped in his chair.

“There's nothing we can do. It's too dangerous for us to intervene.”

But Aurora could tell that he didn't believe what he was saying. To Niall, his children were the most precious thing in the world, even if he didn't know how to show it, and even Declan whom he could never connect with. Ronan was his heir, the one who was born with a miracle and who could dream his reality into life. Matthew was an entire miracle himself, a dream in Aurora’s image created by Niall’s son. Declan was a chance to keep them safe and protected for life. The idea of abusing any of them, or any child at all, revulsed him.

“Niall… Adam needs help, and we can help him. So we should do it.”

“So you're looking for a good action to do, eh…”

“That's the right thing to do, Ni’.”

Aurora stood up to go sit on the arm of his chair. She held him around his shoulders, cuddling him into her. Niall groaned but still wrapped an arm around her waist and hugged her. 

“I wish to help him, the way I wish someone would help our babies if they got hurt.”

She caressed his cheek and he caught her hand to kiss her palm.

“I should have dreamed you with a smaller heart.

“It wouldn't have been big enough to love all of you,” she teased.

Or maybe it was the truth. Niall laughed, loud and echoing all over the walls. He went to kiss her, only to be interrupted by a small voice:

“Is Adam in danger?”

Ronan was in the doorway, clutching a sleepy Declan’s hand and holding his teddy bear against his chest. He wore the spiderman pajamas he had chosen himself at the mall when he last accompanied Aurora grocery shopping. He was almost ten and he didn't know anything about the cruelty of then world and his parents wished they could have preserved him a bit longer. His eyes, already too big for his face, were widened in fear for his best friend. There was no lying to that boy. Aurora and Niall exchanged a look. They had work to do. Aurora went to take both children back to bed, and spend the night comforting her middle son who couldn't stop crying when he understood the truth. Niall went to sleep.

 

***

 

Henrietta was a small town, the kind where everyone knows everyone else, where habits last long and rumors run fast. Dreams, in Henrietta, ran even faster.

Only two weeks after Aurora convinced her husband to help a small defenseless boy, the police knocked at the Parrish’s door. They had been working with the FBI on a drug ring that spread over two different states. A few days before, a sudden new lead had been found which linked the Parrish couple to the production and the dealers. The evidence was damming and there was no doubt that no lawyer could avoid them a few decades in prison. The whole ring was dismantled thanks to more evidence found in their home. 

Adam was taken to the police station too, and at first he thought that he was also being arrested. After all, he was very bad very often, and that was why his father had to correct him so much. But he only stayed there for a few hours, until one of the detectives called Niall Lynch. They had shared a beer some time ago, while Niall had shown pictures upon pictures of his kids and their friends. And Adam was one of those.

The judge was quick to accept the Lynches as foster parents for Adam, as it saved a lot of paperwork and allowed Adam to stay in an environment he was already familiar with.

 

***

 

Adam’s first months at the Barns were difficult. He had learned to trust Aurora, and would let her approach him without too many issues, but he was, on the other hand, terrified of Niall, with his loud voice and his short temper. Both adults accepted it and tried to provide him with as much space and care as they could. Rather than put him alone in a room, they settled hum in a new bed in Ronan’s bedroom. They tried to include him as much as possible in their family's routine, while doing their best to respect his boundaries. It was a fragile balance, and they failed as often as they succeeded, but little by little Adam learned to feel safe in the Barns. 

By the time the new school year arrived, Adam’s body was fully healed and his psyche was on its healthy way too. To Aurora’s surprise, it was Niall who offered Adam the possibility to see a therapist. Adam accepted at first, to please them, but after a few sessions he dared tell Niall that he didn't like going. They kept it a secret between the two of them and instead went on long walks or drives through Virginia on the time of the sessions. Sometimes, Adam would speak about what still scared and hurt him, but mostly they just shared a comfortable silence or listened to Niall’s collection of Irish music. 

 

***

 

When they entered middle school, Adam and Ronan were given a list of classes and clubs Niall and Aurora wanted them to join, like Declan before them. They both diligently tested the activities, and if Ronan picked Irish music and singing, Adam decided to learn Gaelic instead. Both continued going to soccer practice as often as possible. Ronan’s dream was to become a professional player. Adam just enjoyed spending time with him. 

 

By the time they entered their second year of middle school, Adam had fully acclimated to the Barns and moved to his own bedroom. It sometimes felt a bit lonely, but he enjoyed being able to read late at night without Ronan complaining about the light. It also allowed him to spend more time alone with Matthew, to play with Legos with him on the wooden floor, or to ask Declan to help him with his homework. Every night at ten, without exception, Aurora and Niall knocked at his door to wish him good night, like they did with their sons.

 

***

 

Ronan fell in love for the first time when he was twelve. His crush was an upperclassman and one of Declan’s friends who had good grades and smiled with his entire face. He always had a nice word for Ronan when he saw him around school and Ronan’s legs would feel like jelly for hours when he got to see him at lunch. If Adam noticed, he didn't say anything.

 

Adam fell in love for the first time when he was thirteen. His crush was a girl from his class whose eyes shone under the electric lights and who one day got detention for punching a bully in the face. She laughed very loud at Adam’s jokes and when she ran and hand through her hair, it made Adam’s heart flutter. Ronan notices immediately and gave him hell for months on end.

 

***

 

Adam had wanted to enroll Aglionby Academy since he was very young. He knew it was the best school around, and he knew he had to join it if he wanted to become someone. Five years with the Lynches had only weakened the voice in his head that sounded a lot like his father and kept telling him that he was no one and would never amount to anything. He was determined to shut it down for good himself, on his own. When Declan entered Aglionby, it was a given that Ronan and Matthew would too, but it surprised Adam when Niall told him that he planned on getting him to go too. When he saw his reluctance, Niall offered for the fees to only be advances that Adam would reimburse when he'd get a job. After a long back and forth punctuated by exasperated sighs from both sides and some mediating by Aurora, Niall agreed to let Adam get a job to pay parts of the fees, and Adam agreed to let Niall pay for the rest until he'd get a more stable career. They also both agreed on Adam applying for a scholarship, which meant that Niall would have less to pay and Adam would have to keep studying hard to get good grades. They even wrote and signed a notarised contract that would bound them until either were to die, to make sure both parts would respect the other's decisions. Adam was proud of how seriously Niall was taking him. Niall was proud of how determined Adam was.

The three Lynch brothers watched the conversation with various levels of understanding and appreciation. Ronan eventually made the mistake, later that day, to ask Adam why he wouldn't just let Niall pay for his education when he had more than enough to pay for four kids 

“If you can't understand then I can't explain it to you”, Adam answered.

He was too dismissive for Ronan’s taste, and they had their first real fight since they met after that. They didn't talk for weeks, going so far as to refuse to spend time in the same room at all at the Barns, safe for the compulsory family dinner that everyone had to eat together.

 

This time apart, which had them both sulking day and night, coincided with the arrival of Richard Gansey III in Henrietta. His strange brain interpreted Ronan’s bad moods as a lack of magic in his life, and he decided to devote every break time telling him about Ley Lines and dead kings. Saying that Adam was jealous would be an understatement. Ronan was not one to make friends, ever. Adam was the social one of their duo, who knew how to talk to teachers abound chameleon his way into Aglionby clubs. Ronan was shy at best and vaguely aggressive at worse. And there he was, actually listening to Dick Gansey and, worst of all, laughing! The nerves those boys had, being all… friendly and happy together when Adam was lonely and sad in the midst of their argument.

 

Adam and Ronan’s fight culminated over dinner one night, when Aurora asked Ronan about that new friend of his he wanted to invite over.

“His name's Dick,” Adam scoffed before he could think about it.

“He prefers to be called Gansey,” Ronan corrected.

“Yeah, cause that's less stupid.”

“You seen your face lately, Parrish?”

“I've seen yours way too much, Lynch!”

“Boys!”

Aurora had stood up, her chair scratching the floor in a distressing noise. Both teenagers shrunk in their seats under her disappointed gaze. Niall and Declan kept eating, politely unphased, but Matthew let his fork fall in his plate in surprise. His baby face didn't seem to know if it should express surprise or excitement at seeing the older boys being scolded.

“This has lasted far too long now. You are both too old for this kind of childish behavior. Go to your rooms, cool off and come back in an hour.”

Being exiled from the family meal was the worst punishment any of them could imagine, and seeing no one protest it made matter even worse. They climbed the stairs to their bedrooms with their head bowed in shame and tears in their eyes.

 

“Now, both of you apologize. You had enough time to reflect and understand what you did wrong.”

Aurora was impressive as ever, frowning with her hands on her hips and standing tall in front of the sofa where they were sitting. Ronan sighed, slouched in his seat but turned towards Adam: “I'm sorry I didn't try to understand you better. I should have listened more.”

He was grimacing through it all but Adam knew it had more to do with having to apologize than with the sincerity of his words. Ronan didn't lie. Even when it could make things easier for him. Adam brought his knees to his chest and held them.

“I'm sorry I got angry so quickly. And that I wasn't very nice about Di-I mean Gansey.”

Ronan smiled brightly, all teeth and squinted eyes, and just like that they were friends again.

 

***

 

Richard Gansey III was actually terribly easy to befriend. Sure, he was oblivious to the reality of the world, and obsessed with his mystical quest, but he was disarmingly charming and Adam found himself being swept into his rhythm more often than not, joining him and Ronan in their adventures across Virginia and actually enjoying his company.

 

***

 

Ronan woke up early one morning, a few months later, to find his father dead. As could have been predicted, the world tumbled, crumbled and fell around them.

In a whirlwind of nightmares, Niall was buried, Aurora fell sick and the four teenage boys were expelled from the Barns. For the first time in his life, Adam saw Ronan cry. It was a terrifying and distressing sight that he had no idea how to handle.

 

***

 

Ronan changed after that day. He had never been very loud or talkative, but he became even more silent and closed off. And he was angry, so angry. Angry at the whole world, even at Gansey, and especially at Declan who didn't try to fight when they got kicked out from their home. Matthew and, to some extend, Adam were the only ones spared by Ronan’s fury.

 

***

 

Adam and Ronan moved to Monmouth Manufacturing when Gansey offered them the possibility to. Adam argued that it'd be a temporary solution, that he'd move out as soon as he could, but ended up settling in. Despite his desire for independence, he couldn't leave Ronan’s side. Moreover, their friend Noah was also living with them, which made the whole thing feel both like being incredibly adult and mature, and living in a perpetual sleepover.

 

***

 

Blue Sargent fascinated Adam the second he first saw her. Sure, she was pretty, but he mostly liked that she stood proud and straight like she knew her worth and wouldn't let anyone bring her down.

Of course, Gansey managed to offend her, multiple times, but she still gave Adam a chance. It was worth every second of Ronan’s teasing.

 

***

 

Adam missed his parents sometimes. As a child, being taken away from them felt like the worst thing that could ever happen to him. Growing up, he had learned that their situation was nowhere as normal as everyone else's and more often than not he was glad he got a way out. He didn't want to imagine what he would have become if he had stayed longer with them. Still, from time to time, he missed them.

This vague lingering feeling didn't prepare him for how much he'd miss the Lynches, though. Every night, he kept waiting for Aurora to softly knock on his door to wish him good night. Every morning, he missed Declan reading out loud the news on his phone while drinking coffee. When it rained, he missed Matthew’s whining about how bored he was, and could Adam please come play a board game, they'd harass his brothers until they'd agree to play too. And every time he hurt, he missed Niall’s knowing eyes who preceded him saying he needed a walk and Adam should come too.

 

***

 

Adam knew two of Ronan’s secrets. The ira one, he had learned by living with the Lynches. The second one, he had learned by watching Ronan carefully. Even if he never told Ronan about them, it helped Adam feel at ease with his own secrets. It also helped him take a decision when the time came to make a deal with Cabeswater. He had seen Niall and Ronan wake up with marvels brought from their dreams. Magic didn't scare him. If anything, it gave him a chance to be a bit more like Niall and a bit less like his father. Robert Parrish could not host a magical forest into his hands and eyes. But Adam Parrish, who had witnessed miracles and held dreams, did not hesitate for a second.

 

***

 

Adam flopped down on his bed. He didn't have have a real room at Monmouth Manufacturing, because Noah had claimed one and Gansey and Adam had given the other one to Ronan. Instead, Adam had a corner of the main room separated from the rest of it by a bunch of mismatched screes. It was large enough for a bed, a table and two chairs -one being used as a bedside table- a drawer and a significant number of clothes on the floor.

The noise he made when he bounced on the bed caught Ronan and Gansey’s attention. Or maybe it was one of the screens when it fell down. Or when Adam barged into their home without a word.

Blue wouldn't kiss him. Not because she didn't like him, but because he was not her true love. The love Adam felt seemed pretty true, though. He blinked back the tears that stung his eyes. Part of him was heartbroken. Part of him was ashamed, that he had not been a good boyfriend to Blue, and had been a terrible friend-friend.

“Trouble in paradise,” Ronan interjected.

His voice was dripping with sarcasm, as dismissive as everytime Blue was talked about -we don't need her, he'd keep saying. But Adam did. The truth was that he needed her, just like he needed Ronan, and Gansey, and Noah. And since Cabeswater made home in his head, he felt that need more strongly. It was vital, both for his own balance and for their future, that they all stayed together.

And Blue didn't want to kiss him. He wasn't the one. He wasn't his parents’ savior. He wasn't Niall and Aurora’s son. He wasn't Matthew’s brother. He wasn't Gansey’s best friend. He wasn't Blue's true love.

“Ronan,” Gansey said before Ronan could utter another word. Adam didn't know what he hated more; that Gansey talked to his best friend like he was a turbulent child or an aggressive dog, or that Ronan shut his mouth at his command.

 

***

 

Aurora woke up the second they crossed the border to Cabeswater. Adam watched her open her eyes like a rose blooms. He had seen her do so on so many summer afternoons when she napped on the deck at the Barns that when she smiled at him he felt like he was ten again. On one of his sides was Persephone, twisting her fingers. On the other was Ronan, who looked like Adam felt, so Adam caught his hand behind their backs. They squeezed each other's fingers so strongly it hurt but it was better than collapsing on the ground and crying. 

Aurora hugged Ronan and Adam felt his fingers loosen and tremble. “Flowers and ravens,” Aurora told Ronan, because none of them ever got over listening to the story of Ronan’s birth. Aurora then hugged Matthew and said “My love”, because there was nothing else to be said when you knew Matthew. She closed her eyes from a sad second, and Adam could see her reuniting with Declan in her mind. She then took Adam's face between her hands. “Adam,” she smiled. Adam was ten again, and he'd just lost his parents but gained Aurora and Niall and didn't know how much happier he'd be very soon yet. The word blurred for the second it took for tears to start rolling down his cheeks.

 

***

 

Greenmantle had to be taken down. To protect Ronan and Cabeswater, and everything that Adam loved and cared about. For a second, he regretted never taking boxing lessons we he had the occasion, before remembering that if Greenmantle cold have been taken down by raw force, Mr Gray would have done it himself. 

Adam was Gansey’s Magician, his jack of all trades who could come up with plans and ideas on demand and put them into action. Someone had to do something, so Adam did.

 

There was something shameful about exposing his plan to Ronan in the church where Ronan met Matthew and Declan every Sunday. This used to be a neutral ground, devoid of Adam or Cabeswater, this used to be Ronan’s exclusive domain, and they were about to soil it.

Ronan listened to him, because Ronan always listened to Adam when it really mattered. He listened and he watched and he pondered and he nodded. “Gansey would hate it”, he frowned.

This was why Adam was Gansey’s Magician. So Gansey wouldn't have to do this kind of things himself. He pushed back the vague annoyance he felt at Ronan for bringing Gansey up right there and then, even if he agreed. “That's why we're not going to tell him.”

Ronan nodded again, to Adam's surprise. Lying by omission wasn't something they were keen on, but they could still work with. Even more so if it was for Gansey.

Ronan let himself fall back against the pew and looked up the ceiling. Adam could almost see him going through the logistics of what they had to do, of what he'd have to dream. Slowly, a smirk spread on Ronan’s lips, violent and proud, and making Adam skip a heartbeat.

“You spent a lot of time with my dad, eh.”

Adam frowned, unsure of what to say. Ronan's gaze came back down on him. 

“That's the kind of shit he'd do. I mean he did.”

“Really?”

Part of him was a bit less disgusted with this plan f he got to resemble Niall thanks to it. Ronan’s smile faded as slowly as it appeared. Ronan opened his mouth to say something, then changed his mind. He sat back up so brutally that Adam jumped. Ronan brought his hands together, arms resting on his thighs. His expression had all the seriousness he could muster. It was the face he made when he recited his lessons to Niall or when he taught Adam how to take care of the cattle. It was an expression for concentration and carefulness. It made Adam fidgety. He wish he could hold Ronan’s hand for support again.

“You know my dad sent your parents away, right.”

 

Adam knew two of Ronan’s secrets. If he were to ask himself, he could even figure out how they affected him and what he wanted to do with this knowledge. However, Adam barely knew even one of Niall’s secrets. Ronan’s eyes were clear and wide open as he watched Adam's reaction. There was no lying to that boy. 

“I suspected it,” he admitted. Saying it out loud didn't make it easier to swallow. Niall Lynch was a thief. He stole from dreams. Twice, he even stole an entire person. Once in his sleep and once when he was awake.

Adam's hands were shaking so hard that his entire body was trembling. Or maybe it was the contrary. His hands didn't stop shaking when Ronan closed his fingers around them. They didn't stop when Ronan pulled Adam into him and wrapped his arms around Adam. They stopped when he balled at Ronan’s t-shirt so hard that his nails bit into the worn out fabric, and into his palms. They dropped when he rested his forehead on Ronan’s shoulder. 

They parted when Adam managed to talk without biting his tongue. They were Niall Lynch's disciples, one born from him and one raised by him. They had their own crimes to prepare for. Ronan started dreaming.

 

***

 

“I think there's something going on with Gansey and Blue.” Ronan raised an eyebrow at Adam's interjection because, first, why should Ronan care about that, and second, did Adam really not notice before, and third, why should Ronan care about that at all? Gansey had been on the phone or outside at night for days now, maybe weeks -see how much Ronan didn't care. How come Adam had never said anything before? Maybe it came a bit too venomous when Ronan asked: “Jealous much?”

Adam swayed on the chair he was sitting on in Ronan’s bedroom, as if Ronan had physically pushed him. His eyes comically widened, and it would have been funny if it didn't mean that he was flustered. Ronan didn't want him to be jealous. Not for Blue. Not that Ronan didn't like her, he'd gotten used to her, the way he used to get used to the toads and fireflies Matthew felt like adopting every other week as a kid. But if Adam was jealous, then it meant that he wasn't over Blue. And if he wasn't over Blue...

“What?! Jealous? No!”

Adam almost fell down when he stood up too fast, stumbled across the room because his sock caught in the wheels of the chair, and collapsed head first on Ronan’s bed, where Ronan was quick enough to move his own legs so his chins wouldn’t get bruised, and Adam’s nose broken. It was so familiar and reminiscing of the time they used to share a room that Ronan couldn’t stop the full belly laugh that erupted from his mouth. Adam mumbled something that the comforter swallowed, so Ronan had to get his face closer from Adam’s to hear what he was saying. 

“Hmm?” He had stopped laughing but was still grinning. Adam rolled his head on the bed. “I’m not jealous, “he grumbled. “Sure,” Ronan laughed. His laughed strangled when his eyes met Adam’s, only a few inches away. Oh. Adam blinked. 

“Hi”

“Hi,” Ronan breathed out.

They were far closer than usual, even for them who always sat on couches so close that their ankles would touch at any move they’d make.

“I’m not jealous,” Adam repeated. It had more impact, whispered like that, than when he was loudly protesting it.

“Okay.”

“I’m not lying.”

“I know.”

Adam looked at him from under his eyelashes, and Ronan could feel his heart beating so fast he almost believe it’d stop beating at all at any second.

Adam pushed on his arms and lurched towards Ronan. Ronan jumped back, surprised, but Adam knew him all too well. He caught the collar of his tshirt and pulled him back. Their teeth clashed, Ronan groaned and Adam laughed. Their first kiss tasted like surprise and blood. Their second had Ronan scoff in frustration when their noses kept bumping together. Luckily for them, Adam was great at coming up with solutions and cupped Ronan’s face to stop him from angling it wrong. Ronan sighed, letting his hands rest on Adam’s rib cage, squeezing subconsciously when Adam did something right with his tongue and his teeth. Ronan could feel a pulse racing under his fingertips, and he wasn’t sure whose it was, or if it even mattered.

 

***

 

Kissing Ronan Lynch was both like trying to hold a storm between your hands and juggling with fragile china. It was terrifying and overwhelming and addictive all at once, and Adam wasn’t sure he could ever stop.

 

***

 

Ronan kept his eyes closed long after Adam stopped kissing him, and that may as well be one of the most endearing things Adam had ever seen him do. There he was, lying under Adam who was straddling him, breathing had with his lips bruised and that same expression he had since forever when he tried not to awaken from a dream. 

“You’re not asleep,” Adam breathed against his lips. He kissed the corner of Ronan’s mouth. Ronan smiled, his teeth shined almost dangerously.

“Maybe I dreamed you.”

Adam let out a scoff: “Thanks for the straight teeth, then”

“Yeah, I’m very good at being straight.”

Adam couldn’t help the giggle that bubbled out of his throat and to the ceiling.

“Sure,” he laughed before kissing Ronan again.

 

***

 

Adam had liked Ronan’s tattoo ever since he came back with it. He had disappeared a couple days after Niall’s death, and came back with his back covered in thorns and feathers and ink. To this day, Adam still didn’t know if it was a real one or a dream one. At the time, Adam had humored him, and pretended that nothing new happened, that the tattoo had always been there. He still didn’t know if it had been a good decision, but right then and there, as he was lying next to Ronan and watching it move with Ronan’s breathing, he wasn’t sure he really cared. 

Adam put his hand, his fingers stretched wide, on the ink. If he closed his eyes, it felt like it was fluttering. Maybe it was just Ronan’s muscles rolling under his skin, or goosebumps responding to Adam’s touch. Maybe it was feathers and thorns answering Cabeswater’s magic. 

 

***

 

“Adam. Adam! Fucking… Adam wake up”

Adam rolled on his back on the bed, to find Ronan resting on his elbow, almost on top of him, one of his hands still shaking Adam's shoulder.

“Ronan?

“Fuck Parrish what's wrong with you?”

Adam blinked. He could already feel frustration building up after he'd been awaken so brutally.

“What's wrong with you, Ronan? I was fucking sleeping here.”

Ronan frowned, and looked pointedly at Adam's middle. Adam looked down. His hand was resting on his stomach, and his grey shirt was half soaked with a red liquid. Blood. Adam's blood. He raised his hand to find large scratches. That was quite surprising in itself, but it happened before that Chainsaw played a bit too violently or showed jealousy towards Adam -especially since he started sleeping in Ronan's bed- and Adam had stopped counting the cuts she did on his hands long ago. That wouldn’t be that serious, though. No, what had Adam's heart jump in his chest was the moss and twigs that covered it and kept the skin open. Drops of blood fell heavily in his stomach.

“Cabeswater,” Adam simply croaked out.

“Shit,” Ronan answered.

Adam nodded. The pain was starting to spread up his arms. A part of him, the part that was pulsing in time with the Ley Line, already knew that his hands would never respond like they used to. Cabsewater had spent too long trying to get his attention, and he rejecting it. It was making sure he wouldn’t forget ever again, in a painful and brutal way, like only immaterial and overpowered beings could.

 

***

 

Ronan accidentally brought a child from his dreams and for a solid minute when he told Adam, Adam saw Niall in his place. He saw himself when he layed eyes on the strange creature, half girl, half goat, totally terrified. He watched her discover the world with her big, round eyes and remembered how it felt arriving at the Barns and falling into a new universe. He kneeled before her, like Aurora used to when she wanted to talk to him.

“Hi,” he said, “I’m Adam.”

“She doesn’t have a name,” Ronan interjected. “I used to call her Orphan Girl.”

He shrugged, but Adam knew him enough to notice how affected he was to see her while awake. 

“We will have to find you a better name,” Adam smiled to the little girl.

Ronan looked up to Adam and behind his calm demeanor and detached expression, Adam could see his despair and confusion. He needed Adam to comfort him, to find solutions, to fix this.

“We should take her to your mother.”

He did his best not to notice the panic that rose on the child’s face.

 

***

 

Gansey died. Ronan almost vanished. And they both opened their eyes again. Adam wasn’t sure how terrible the consequences would be, or if he could even comprehend them. But right now, he was lying on the floor of Monmouth Manufacturing, on the pile of mattresses and blankets they had thought about gathering before falling on it. He didn’t think that any of them was asleep, but they had all fallen immobile a long time ago. Orphan Girl was curled in a ball in his arms, and her hoved feet would sometimes kick the emptiness behind her, either as a reflex or out of restlessness. Ronan was plastered against his back, Adam could feel his breath through his shirt, just between his shoulder blades, like a warm rhythm that comforted Adam that yes, he was still alive. They both were. Gansey was lying next to Ronan, who rested his head on his arm -his elbow pressed against Adam’s back. Blue was lying on top of Gansey, her face hidden in his neck. She had linked her fingers with Henry’s, whose legs were tangled with hers and Gansey’s. They all laid in the aftershock of what they had just lived and seen, unable to do anything but bask in each other’s presence. 

There had been a few long hours where they had stayed on the side of the road without being able to leave the scene of what would now be their worst nightmares, until Maura and Calla arrived. Adam had thought that they would try to bring Blue back to 300 Fox Way, but they had only piled the teenagers in the cars and drove them to Monmouth. They may actually have been the ones to prepare the improvised bedding. 

Adam sighed, trying to free his mind from the whirlwind of emotions and memories that kept him wide awake. His hands trembled, the scar tissue itched and the damaged nerves acted on their own. Cabeswater was gone but its effects kept echoing through them. Gansey let out a mumble in Blue’s hair, as if to respond to Adam’s thought. Ronan tightened his grip around Adam’s middle and Orphan Girl moved around to settle her head under Adam’s chin. No one made a sound, but they all readjusted their positions slightly to be able to touch as much as each other as possible. It was all they could do for now, and it had to be enough; the world ended where their skins couldn’t touch and they didn’t want to care about it anyway.

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!  
> Please let me know what you think of this story. It's an extension of a prompt I wrote for on tumblr some time ago. You can find me (and more writing) on tumblr @[bluemoon-golden](http://bluemoon-golden.tumblr.com)


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